Before You Blame Them, Ask Yourself This
Have you ever had an employee do something frustrating, and suddenly everything they do starts to frustrate you?
They miss a deadline. They forget something you already discussed. They ask a question you feel like you've answered three times. Before long, you're thinking, “They never listen,” “I always have to remind them,” or “They just don't care.”
The frustration is real. But here's where leadership gets tricky: what happened and what you made it mean are not always the same thing.
The employee missed the deadline. That's an observation. “They don't care about their work” is a story you're telling yourself about why it happened.
That distinction matters because once we decide what something means, we tend to look for evidence that proves our story right.
Instead, start by recognizing the emotion.
Ask yourself: What am I feeling? What actually happened? What story am I beginning to tell myself? What information might I be missing?
Maybe the expectation wasn't clear. Maybe something got in the way. Maybe they need more support. Or maybe there really is an accountability issue that needs to be addressed.
The goal isn't to excuse the behavior. It's to understand what you're dealing with before you decide what it means.
Your emotion is real. Your interpretation may not be.
This week, notice when frustration shows up. Before you react, take a moment to name the emotion and separate what you actually observed from what you think it means.
If you're ready to work on this skill, I created the Lead Yourself First Assessment to help you recognize your emotions, question your assumptions, and prepare for difficult conversations.
Discover How You Lead Under Pressure
Discover how you respond when emotions get involved at work. Identify your leadership patterns under pressure from recognizing emotions and checking your story to navigating difficult conversations and choosing an accountable response.