You recognize the emotion. You question the story. Now comes the part that can change the entire conversation: the pause.
We've all had moments when we responded while frustrated and wished we had handled things differently later.
Maybe it was an email you sent too quickly. A comment that came out sharper than you intended. Or a conversation where you walked in already convinced you knew exactly what was going on.
The pause gives you a chance to step back before your emotion and assumptions take over.
It doesn't mean avoiding the conversation. It doesn't mean pretending you aren't frustrated. And it certainly doesn't mean letting poor performance slide.
It simply gives you enough space to ask better questions.
What is actually happening? What do I know? What am I assuming? What response will help?
Sometimes, the language you use can create that space.
Instead of saying, “Why do you always do this?” you might say, “Help me understand what got in the way this time.”
Instead of, “You clearly don't understand,” try, “Tell me how you understood the expectation.”
Instead of, “I know exactly what happened,” try, “I want to understand what happened.”
That small shift can change the entire conversation.
The Goal
The goal isn't to eliminate emotion. The goal is to recognize it well enough that you choose your response instead of letting the emotion choose it for you.
Want to go deeper into this? Read When You're Frustrated With an Employee, Start With Yourself.
Sharon explores how frustration can begin changing the relationship with an employee and how leaders can recognize what's happening before that frustration starts driving the conversation.